Where it all began
Every Tuesday evening I would ride the Metro to the end of the orange line where the pastor’s oldest daughter would pick me up and drive me out to the their home. I would join them for dinner then spend a couple of hours discussing Scripture and doctrine with my father’s pastor. At the end of … read more
I had to make an impossible decision, and I had no idea how to even begin. My entire life had been dictated by the actions of others. When I was a child, I was forced to accept the unwanted touch of others, told how to feel about it, and then threatened into silence. When I … read more
“Your mommy is doing great. She’s trying so hard,” the well-dressed “sister” told my newborn son as she held him in front of me. I think that might have been the exact moment a deep ache in my soul, held at bay for so long by food, drugs, alcohol and sex, began to work its … read more
Lamaze is amazing for difficult dentist appointments or preventing yourself from punching that arrogant jerk who just won’t get out of your face (in the check out line, not the dentist!), but when you find yourself coming out of an eclamptic seizure in the throws of pitocin-induced contractions, its about as effective as my birth control … read more
My father served his country for 30+ years in the U.S. Navy. I remember as a child that he would be gone for what seemed like months at a time. In all honesty, he was gone for most of my childhood and youth. Of course, as I learned as I got older, this was partly … read more
“I can’t do this anymore,” she said. “What do you mean,” I replied. “Talk to you. It has to stop,” was her explanation. “Oh,” was all I could choke out. This was the last conversation I had with my mother. It was following a lovely visit where we talked and laughed and shared pictures. Of … read more
Does my past define me? This question has been haunting my thoughts of late, and it began when I saw the images from one of my photo shoots with Marsha Lane Foster. The process for these therapeutic photo shoots varies a bit. Sometimes I write a piece, and Marsha and I brainstorm over images that convey … read more
I have endured several…I’ll just call them “debates” about whether or not you can love others if you don’t love yourself, and I’ve heard people make some pretty ridiculous arguments in support of both sides of this question. I have spent countless hours listening to messages and reading books about the wretched status of the human … read more
“If you could have seen the future, would you have married me?” I can’t count how many times I’ve asked my husband this question. His response is always the same. He rolls his eyes, draws me close and says, “Probably not.” Then I rest on his chest and listen to the familiar rumble of … read more
Many people have commented that my willingness to publicly share this struggle to stop pulling out my hair is brave; however, I feel anything but. I am scared to death of failing…again. I’m afraid of replacing the TTM with some other impulse control disorder even-weirder than this one. And really, to be gut-wrenchingly honest, I’m terrified of not … read more