In my attempt to overcome trichotillomania, I have been seeking to identify stressors in my life and eliminate them.  For the past two-plus years I have worked a job that could most succinctly be described as grueling.  (There are a lot of other words to describe it, but I’ll keep this P.G.)

My coworkers and I have gotten up in the middle of the night to “sort” thousands upon thousands of parcels weighing up to 70 pounds, many of which have exceeded that and are bigger than my five-foot frame. We then have to place thousands upon thousands of letters/magazines/parcels into post office boxes, after which we clean up and reset all of the heavy equipment to prepare for the next day, and we have been held to rigorous daily deadlines to accomplish these tasks.

When I started this job, it was tough, but about nine months in, the company I work for was “awarded” a new contract with the world’s largest online retailer, tripling our workload (maybe more), without adding any additional staff or changing any of the deadlines.  An already difficult job became impossible.

My body began to hurt. Due to all of the overtime and last-minute schedule changes that became a weekly occurrence, I became isolated and depressed.  I went weeks without spending time with anyone other than my husband, who bore the brunt of my alternating exhaustion and rage.  I’m sure he has grown very weary of hearing my constant diatribe against American materialism and my neighbors’ seeming inability to drive to a store for toilet paper, dog food, canned goods, or bow flexes.

I did all of this with one goal in mind: pay off our debt!  I honestly believed I deserved this awful, horrible, soul-sucking job as punishment for my inability to live within my means, but enough is enough.  If any of my friends had shared this belief, I would have told them they were being absolutely ridiculous.  Life is too short, relationships are too important, and they are worth more than a life of pain and isolation, so I’ve decided to treat myself the way I would treat someone I love.  I have turned in my notice of resignation.

This would not be possible if I didn’t have an incredibly loving and supportive husband who is willing to get up and go to his own job each day.  We’ve had precious little time together lately, and I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!  Simply sharing a home and bed does not mean we are “together,” when I’m either too exhausted to talk, or go for a walk, or ride bikes, or other fun married things (keeping it PG).

I do intend to keep working, but at this point, my goal is to find a job that will allow me to live a full life.  It might take a little longer to pay off that debt, but at the end of it all, when the balance is a big, fat zero, I will be able to enjoy it, and hopefully with a head full of hair!