When I began this blog project I had intended it to focus solely on my struggle with trichotillomania, an impulse disorder that causes me to pull out my hair.  What I’ve discovered is that by shining a light on the underpinnings of one struggle, I have illuminated the twisty, gnarly root system for all sorts of self-destructive behaviors.  They are all intertwined, and just like my overgrown flower beds, I cannot pull out one weed without uprooting the others.

Not only do I turn to ripping  my hair out, one strand at a time, I also consume voluminous amounts of nutritionally irrelevant calories AND I spend money that won’t see the inside of my bank account for decades.  All of these behaviors are merely exterior manifestations of the same interior battle: I hate me, so I must punish me.

Even though the “hair thing” is the most bizarre of my behaviors, I can’t restore beauty to my inner garden without uprooting the rest of these prickly vines.  Thus, I will be, from time to time, documenting my battle of the bulge as well as my escape from alcatraz (also known as healthy eating and exercising and paying off our debt.)

Along for the ride is my amazingly sweet and patient hubby, and even though he will lose 30 lbs while I will fight like a ninja to lose two, I appreciate so much his willingness to hold my hand and take this giant leap of faith with me.