“I secretly kinda hope I have cancer, so I’ll have a socially acceptable reason to shave my head.”

I actually said those words out loud last week while waiting for the pathology report to return from my lymph node surgery.

Seriously?  I would rather have cancer than trichotillomania.

What. The. Hell???????!!!!!!!!!

I have known some amazing men and women who have been taken over and away by that stupid disease, and yes, I do realize how unbelievably offensive that sentence might be to any cancer warrior or their family and friends.

I’m sharing it to try to explain just how deep the shame of trichotillomania goes.

It also raises a pretty important question I’ve been struggling with for years:

WHAT THE “F” IS UP WITH SOCIETY’S FIXATION ON WOMEN AND THEIR HAIR???!!!

Why would I rather have a life-threatening disease and undergo therapies that make people violently ill than have to tell people I’m bald because I have trichotillomania? Because it would be SO much easier to tell someone I shaved my head due to chemotherapy than tell them I am trying to stop pulling my own hair out.  Then I would get sympathy instead of people thinking I’m a freak.

I’m having to let that really sink in, and I hope anyone reading this will, too.

I was honestly…really truly…not making this stuff up…sorta wishing to have CANCER so we could all be okay with me being bald.

What. The. Hell.